Away (?)

It is not actually away from home. Away is if I find myself in the middle of nowhere standing on an unknown place on other continent with people around whom I can’t talk to anyway. Defining ‘away’ here, so I stare at a face at the mirror, showing a girl on a chamber with a bulk of the ‘unidentified’ feeling, the bulky hunk won’t disappear even a deep breath made, knowing people around that they always used with, then those people may gather at any time they want. Then for that girl, unlikely, that sort of condition keeping her sitting just there *hey, life is about choices!* Trying to heal the bulky awkward feeling by reading, browsing anything related the comforting way. Those reduce just a bit. And yes the coming period, the hormonal cycle, may probably affecting, maybe.

Randomly read this once more.
“How can one be drop dead gorgeous while the other is nothing to gobble at?” 
Feeling such the one who is nothing to gobble at, by You 🙁
Looking back these few months, so this awkward feeling supposed to be the accumulation of the self bargaining, disparaging the little things which turn to disparage the bigger ones.
A so bad dependence is that how I miss several sharing occasions, means when I am actually talking to someone, so bad, keeping in mind that You are always here closer by everybody’s side than anyone else. The Best Listener who will always perceiving our wishes are Your utmost important sentences we whispered.
Texted a friend of mine, and she answered,” Sometimes loneliness needs to be enjoyed. Enjoy till it run out of the quota, then ‘voila’ the happiness will eventually coming in.”

There should no ‘but’. What else I can do other than keep doing the dos and away from the don’ts? yes, no more bargaining. Please always be by my side, Rabb.
I seek forgiveness from You. 
Wahuwa ma’akum ainama kuntum. 

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